Dogen Sangha (3) The Special Training By Father

The Special Training by Father

When I think about why I was so attracted to Buddhism, even though I was not brought up in an especially religious family, I usually remember the special training of running that I received from my father in my childhood.

By the time I became 6 or 7 years old, I was not so stout a boy. My physical size was rather small, and it could not be viewed as strong. At the athletic meets held each year in primary school, I always came in last.

Because of this, I suppose that my father worried about my situation. One evening after dinner, my father recommended that we go out for a walk together. After walking a bit, he found a place where it was not so crowded. Then he ordered me to run to an electric light pole a short distance from us, and to run back again to the starting place where we were standing. I couldn't understand the reason why he said so at all, but there was no reason for me to refuse doing it. And so, I followed my father's order every evening.

Without noticing it, the length of the run became longer and longer. Also, the time of day that I ran changed from evening to morning. As I continued, the distance of my run lengthened enormously, and so I began to notice that I was running a rather long distance, about 3 kilometers already. Each day, while I was running, my father waited for me at the starting place, and so, for example in winter, I guess that it was very cold for father to wait for my return on the street, but he continued to make such dedicated and difficult efforts for several years without stop.

In my case, however, enormous changes began to occur in my private life. In my primary school, from the first year to the third year, I came always in last in the athletic meet race. But, from the fourth year to the sixth and final year of primary school, I always won first place in the race.

At the same time, other kinds of changes also occured. For example, even though I was clearly a child, I felt that my childish tendency had vanished, and my attitudes in my daily life had become much more similar to an adult. It seemed that I had lost a childish tendency to be sometimes enormously joyful, and sometimes to be enormously sad. I had become much more calm and emotionless. My thinking method, even though I was a child, had become much more realistic, and the romantic idea or sensitive directness, which are usually common to children, decreased so much. And even though I felt regret to meet with such a situation, the fact was just the fact, and it was impossible for me to change the situation by myself. And such a situation was not happy for me.

One cold winter morning I noticed that my hands were enormously hot, but it was impossible for me to know why my hands were so hot. And feeling so strange, I plunged my hands into the cold water of a big tub used for fire-fighting purposes in the playground of the school. I worried about the rather strange situations of my physical condition. Of course, considering the situation today, it seems very natural that my hands would have been so hot after running so hard before breakfast. And so sometimes I recall such kinds of unusual episodes in my childhood.

Reaction from the Regulated Life

After becoming about 13 years old, and being quite shy, I have stopped running, in spite of my father's opinion. It was very strange that after I stopped running, my regulated personal life also stopped enormously. Even though I did not notice exactly, still it was very clear that my daily personal life had lost the former well-regulated conditions gradually. And my daily life had become very irregular unconsciously. It had become very uneasy for me to stay at home, and so it became very common for me take up wandering outside, going to the cinema, looking for secondhand books, and so forth. In short, it had become very difficult for me to regulate my daily life, and even though it was very uncomfortable for me, it remained completely impossible for me to regulate myself.

Of course, I wanted to get rid of such an uncomfortable situation, but actually speaking, it was completely impossible for me to flee from such an uncomfortable life, and the painful conditions became deeper and deeper endlessly.

During such uncomfortable daily living, I took up the enjoyment of reading so much excellent Japanese literature, as well as many novels and texts of English, French, German, Russian, etc., literature, all in Japanese translation. At that time, the Japanese Government was making its efforts to maintain the gold standard for money, and so things were very inexpensive.The value of money was very high, enabling me to buy so valuable secondhand books at a very cheap price.

And so I was able to read so many valuable books at an inexpensive cost. This way of mine at the time, a kind of random reading of books, would later prove to be very meaningful for me in my approach to the truth by the practice of Zazen.

At that time I also had many opportunities to see many kinds of foreign movies from France, German, and so forth, and those foreign movies were some of the best textbooks for me to study Euro-American Humanism.

Actually what saved me from such a confused adolescence was the approach of the entrance examination for high school. My confused adolescence had decreased gradually. And one day I found myself regulated again, while I was running on the street. And so I clearly noticed that my running was exactly useful to regulate my life. I remember that the number of the goverment high schools at that time were about 40, or so, and I selected Shizuoka High School among them. Later I heard that I had passed the examination in the literary course at the top.

The Athletic Life in High School

Just after the examination there were many invitations from many athletic divisions, but I wanted to select track and field. In middle school I received a black belt in Judo, and so a member of the Judo division recommended me to enter into the Judo Division so eagerly, but I wanted to enter into the track and field division because I had a rather lengthy experience in running.

I clearly remember that my physical build was not so well developed for athletic training, but I positively thought that if I would try to do a very hard training, the problem would be solved naturally. In other words, I thought that training hard was just the only one solution, and there was no other solution than that of training hard.

The challenge I took upon myself at that time was done with too much stubborness and was a very stupid trial honestly. Actually, I am afaid that I had been trying a very stupid trial of challenging human limitations. But at the same time, because of my very stupid and very pure efforts in the athletic training, I met something that is such a so pure and so true fact, something that manifests itself as an act at every moment.

After my stupid trial ended, I began to think that in human civilizations there are so many excellent and powerful philosophies and religions that have arisen throughout history. I continued thinking that if we looked for and studied them, there must be just a philosophy or religion that can be called the Truth without fail. This suggested to me that if someone
tried to make their efforts in their act so sincerely and so hard, there might appear a very clear philosophy or religion, one that can be called the Truth without fail. At that time I made up my mind to look for such an ultimate Truth in human civilization.